Southern Fried Bitches

Love Letter* to my Apartment

2010-06-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Apartment,

I hate you. Please die a death of a thousand suns. Which is almost how hot it is in you RIGHT NOW. Which is only the first of my complaints, so grab an iced tea and have a seat.

First of all, who ever said the fifth floor was a good idea? Me? Oh right, that was me. Why did I say that was a good idea? Because we wouldn't have upstairs neighbors stomping around overhead? Guess what I didn't ever think of, and wouldn't have thought of, ever.

Air conditioning vent thingys. And wind. What do I mean? I mean that the million-mile-per-hour wind, which we get out here in no-hills-for-miles-ville, apparently knocks over the air conditioning vents and plays soccer with them. All over the roof. All night. So at 1am, we get *RUMBLERUMBLERUMBLERUMBLE* one way, then *RUMBLERUMBLERUMBLERUMBLE* the other, for hours. Until some maintenance guy finally gets up there to tie it down or nail it down or whatever has to be done with it until the next gust of wind comes along.

And then there's the elevator. Oh yeah, top floor. Elevator. Which we figured, brand new building, brand new elevator, surely it shouldn't have any problems, right? Right. As soon as the temperature outside hit, oh, 75 degrees, the elevator started overheating. Every other day. Usually right when I got home from the grocery store with a trunkload of frozen groceries and laundry detergent. Woot! Four flights of stairs, here I come.

So today, just when I'm supposed to talk to the apartment management about moving down to the second floor (which, for all intents and purposes is the first floor), and most in need of a little goodwill, our washer breaks spectacularly. So we get to call in a maintenance request right when we're waiting for approval to transfer our lease.

Oh yeah, and that air conditioner that we've been informed can only maybe bring the apartment down a few degrees at the best of times, unless we put up blackout curtains (which, um, yay, I love working in total darkness all day every day)? Just the icing on the cake, really.

No love,
Me.

*Which is to say, Not

Hi, I'm a dork

2010-05-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

If you follow me on twitter, you got to see a little bit of the Saga of the Lost Watch earlier this week. I'm going to walk you through an abridged version of my search for the watch, because it happens pretty much monthly, with some item of importance:

Step 1: Mention to my husband last week that I can't find an iPod cable ANYWHERE, and how am I supposed to listen to music if I can't charge my iPod? I know we have at least 3 iPod cables, so where did they all go?

Step 2: Realize I haven't worn my watch in a few days, and haven't seen it in the normal places I usually put it when I take it off.

Step 3: Ignore the Hitchhiker's Guide and panic.

So I start the search. First, look in the obvious places again - desk, no. Nightstand, no. End table, no. Secondarily obvious places: desk, no. By the kitchen sink, no. On the kitchen island, no. In the bathroom, no.

On to the increasingly weird places: in the video game basket: no watch, but hey! An iPod cable! In the fish tank stand, no. In the dresser drawers that haven't been opened in years, no. Fridge, no. Laundry baskets, no. Desk again, no. Baskets on the desk, no. Drawer unit sitting by the desk, no.

Really weird places: In the ottomans, no. In the carrying case that came with my phone that was in my bathroom drawer: no watch, but, guess what - another iPod cable!

On a hunch, back to the desk for the fourth time, to sort through each individual piece of paper on the desktop.

Yeah. It was there. The whole time. Hiding oh-so-craftily under a 4x6 photo.

Jenny's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2010-05-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

First of all I am going to hold out my hand and you can all virtually slap it. I forgot both days last week to blog. I am a bad, bad, extra bad girl. My days just got away from me since I was playing catch up from my Mother's Day weekend trip to visit family in Mississippi.

So, have you ever had one of those days that every thing you touch turns to crap and your brain is moving in slow motion? I had one of those days today. It started with forgetting to set the alarm and it's about to end. I am not going to blog about anything of substance because if I did I fear it would be a rambling mess just like the rest of my day today has been. I just need to go get in the bed and hope for a fresh start tomorrow.

However, I will leave you with what was the highlight of my day. My friend Karisa posted this on her FB page and I have stolen it to share with you.

We're having a party for you but you're not invited.

2010-05-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

It all started with a trip to the grocery store for some fruity pebbles and somehow ended up with enough stuff to make Spinach, Feta Pasta, frozen pizza, and two boxes of Chocolate Popsicles.

On the phone with Jenny, I say "I should never shop hungry and depressed. I mean really who needs TWO boxes of Popsicles?"

To which Jenny replies "I've been craving cookie cake. But I don't have any reason for one. I saw one at the store last week and have been thinking about it ever since."

"Get one anyway."

"But you need an occasion. The only one is my cousin Katie's graduation and that's in Louisiana. I can't do that."

"Well, my Katie is graduating from preschool next week. We can have a cookie cake for her graduation."

"Congratulations, Katie. You graduated and Mommy and I had a cookie cake and cheese fries without you."

"Exactly. We should totally do it. Then we don't have to share. It's the perfect plan."

So let's all have desserts to celebrate Katie's graduation. Just don't tell her because she might be mad since we aren't going to share.

Obligatory iPad Post

2010-05-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

So as you may have deduced from my post about my sisters' birthday presents, I got an iPad for my birthday. In fact, I'm posting on it right now. So that takes care of the first FAQ: yes, the keyboard is easy to use.

As for why I ended up getting one? Well, the pros on this post won out.

So far, most of the apps I've downloaded have been at least worthwhile if not great. There have only been a few duds in the bunch.

From great to not-so:

Alice in Wonderland: Love it! I started out with the free Lite version and enjoyed it so much I shelled out the $9.99 for the full book (well, shelled out part of a gift card, but still). It's an interactive pop-up book, and I feel like it's something Lewis Carroll himself would have thoroughly enjoyed, particularly the disappearing Cheshire Cat.

Pandora: Never had tried it out on the computer, so I was pleasantly surprised. I'm really enjoying seeing what it comes up with as matches for my favorite musicians. (Free)

iBooks: The interface is unbelievable, and so easy and fun to use. I hope they expand the store soon, because it's a little thin right now, but I'm enjoying reading what books I can find. (Free)

Kindle: My less-favorite of the two e-reader interfaces, but the store is much, much more extensive, and the book prices are more reasonable overall. It does offer the options of white-on-black or sepia pages, which is nice if you prefer those to black-on-white for reading. (Free)

Smule Magic Piano: My favorite time-waster and kid-occupier. I don't know why it's so fascinating, but go search YouTube for "cat with an iPad" and see for yourself. I love the Guitar Hero-style songbook feature that makes it actually sound like I know how to play, too. ($1.99,I think)

NPR: Pretty straightforward... News and the ability to search for and listen to any public radio station. Worth more than the $0.00 I paid for it.

BBC: Similar deal, nice layout, also free.

NYT Editors' Choice: Really nice free app that gives several of the day's top stories in a clean, easy to use format.

Netflix: I'm pretty much Netflix's bitch, so I'll use and love just about anything they put out. That said, the Netflix iPad app is not the most intuitive or least buggy thing in the world. The app itself, on startup, takes you to a page with a scrolling list of your most recently viewed items and scrolling lists of recommended items. You might notice what's left off there: the basis of all Netflix activity, the queue. In order to get to your queue, you have to click on a tab which takes you to a webpage. And if you want to even think about watching a movie or episode of a TV show you've already seen? Prepare to spend 20 minutes figuring out how to get it to let you do that (Hint: it involves the "More Info" button). My final problem is that the streaming itself frequently slows down or stops altogether - I suspect it has to do with the close timing of introducing the service in the Wii and then the iPad coming out, and too many users overloading the system. All that said, though, I still prefer it to trying to use TV network players with commercials, and watch it all the time. It just has room for improvement.

The only dud I've found (well, there was one other I deleted, but I can't even remember what it was now) is Zinio. I had high hopes for this magazine reader, and it does look super slick, but to be honest, the free trial magazines annoyed me so much I ended up deleting the whole app. When you first open the library, it shows you these three free trial magazines. Cool, right. So I click on one. And it takes like 5 minutes to download because it has so much fancy interactive crap, but I poke around it for a minute to see what it's like. Then I want to delete the trials so they're not taking up all that space. Turns out the only way to delete them is to download them all completely first. Then you hit delete, then they go back to still being the same image of the cover that was there when you opened the library. See, you can never really delete a magazine in Zinio. Even if you never asked for Car & Driver, and never wanted Car & Driver, and would really rather it not be the first thing in your library, ready to start a 5-minute download any time you accidentally brush it with the heel of your hand on your way to Martha Stewart Living. So, for now, no Zinio for me. (Free, if you don't mind accidental huge downloads of Car & Driver and Mac World)

Extreme Yard Makeover

2010-05-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

So I have been ~~bitching~~ politely requesting that we redo the landscaping in our yard forever. However, not being a fan of manual labor and not being very knowledgable about plant related things I wanted to hire a professional. We finally got the funds to do so and the transformation is pretty great. See for yourself!

BEFORE: boring, builder landscaping with zero color or personality.

AFTER: color, flowers, and personality!

When I was a little girl I always pictured my dream house to be yellow with a red front door and lots of pretty flowers. I think I got pretty close!

We planted yellow and purple bushes (i know the fancy names but I don't feel like trying to spell them right) and knock out roses.

The yellow roses stared blooming today but the red are a little behind.

Mark and I had a battle over the hanging baskets. Clearly I won.

Now we can sit on the porch, rock in our rockers, and yell "GET OFF MY BRAND NEW LAWN!" at the neighbor kids. AHHH, Suburbia.

Conan is wicked classy

2010-05-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

So I am a little late to the party with my opinion on the late night show down but I just got a chance to sit down and watch Conan O'Brian's interview on 60 Minutes.

I have always been on Team Coco because I have a thing for Irish boys and because he is HILARIOUS. Also, it doesn't help that I have always thought Jay Leno was boring and....NOT FUNNY. So as you can see I am little biased.

After watching the whole interview I am still firmly in the Team Coco camp. He showed class and grace under fire throughout this whole affair and the 60 Minutes interview was no exception.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

However, I have a secret shame. I contributed to Conan's poor ratings. When he was on at 11pm I would consistently watch but as much as I love Conan a plucky litte Jewish kid from Jersey has stolen my heart and my television at 10pm.

Clever Sisters

2010-05-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

My sisters just blow me away sometimes.

So this weekend was my birthday, and I had a kick-ass birthday party with my family and best bitches and lots of Beatles Rock Band. And my sisters! Like, ok, you know those families you hear about where they have, like, "everybody make presents for each other for Christmas" rules, and nobody's allowed to buy anything, and you totally feel sorry for them, because how much does that have to totally suck?

Um, if that were my family? Which I'm kind of thinking it should be? You'd want to be adopted by us. Because check this out!

So one of my sisters apparently collaborated with my husband (because no way did she come up with this in like one night, because it's completely awesome) and made this completely amazing iPad case:

This is handmade! I mean, it fits like a glove, and has pockets on both sides for earbuds and charging cords and whatever, and it's padded, and has super-soft fleecy fabric inside to protect the screen - the detailing is just to die for (that buttonhole actually does lie straight... I just set it down wonky when I was taking the picture) - and how great is that fabric? AND she put handles on it so I can carry it by itself, but they're little enough that I can throw the whole thing in a bigger bag. So great!

And then my OTHER sister, the baking one, made this:

Check out that cute poodle! (It's an apron, by the way - I didn't take a picture of the full length because the poodle's so adorable.) I mean, seriously - is this an argument for a family etsy store, or what?

My merit badges!

2010-04-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Girl Scouts,

So, I never joined your group. I had a single working Mom and she was busy so I had to be really excited about an activity in order for her to cram it into an already packed schedule. The girl scouts never really rang my bell so it was something we both decided could be crossed off the extracurricular activities list.

That being said I am writing this letter because I think you should make me an honorary girl scout. University's give celebrities honorary doctorates all the time! I am not even asking for a degree just a sash with some kick ass merit badges. Besides, shouldn't I get something for all the money I have spent on thin mints and somoas? Also, I watched Troop Beverly Hills at least 50 times when I was a kid and thats got to count for something.

What prompted this plea for honorary girl scout status? Well, I went camping for the first time ever last weekend. I truly feel I earned some merit badges. Below are some suggestions for merit badges on my honorary girl scout sash.

The Marriage Badge: Successfully setting up a tent with my husband with absolutely no yelling or arguing. This may not seem like anything special to the younger girl scouts but the troop moms totally get it.

The Mud Badge: Surviving the great storm of 2010 with a slightly leaky tent (admittedly it could have been much worse) and the next morning of mud, mud, and more mud.

Mary Poppins Badge: Flying kites is just fun. Period. If you haven't done it in awhile I suggest you do so. However, sometimes getting them off the ground is difficult.

Bravery Badge: Bravery in the face of giant splinter and a dear friend who whipped out a HUGE knife with which to remove it.

Love Badge: Me with my wonderful husband who I love very much. I believe I am laughing because he is pinching my butt.

Tolerance Badge: No explanation necessary.

So there you have it girl scouts. I have pleaded my case and I expect my fancy green sash in the mail any day.

Thank You in Advance for your Consideration,

Jenny

Be quiet and go to bed, little heathens.

2010-04-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

Don't make me come in there!

Back to bed. Back to bed, Now!

Quiet time is nigh time.

I Will turn of your nightlight.

If I have to come in here again the ladybug gets it.

5 4 3 2 1 GOODNIGHT!

It's dark out, lets close our eyes now.

Ladies!!!! Goodnight.

The time for books is done. Go to bed.

Get your heine in bed this instant young lady!

Children are such a delight. Mine have a tendency to be perfect little angels until suddenly! they morph into demon babies with a penchant for loud screams, inappropriate giggling, and a seemingly desperate need to throw flailing limbs in my face's general direction. Their toes must have a magnetic need to clock me in the cheekbone. Mommy totally needs this bruise, y'all.

My husband doesn't beat me! I got this bruise from my toddler's uncalled for fit of rage over who touched "her" apple. MINE. Mine. mine. Ugh. Sometimes, I want to say to her, "Actually Caroline that is Mommy's apple because she paid for it. I am now invoking a tariff on all apple consumption due to Mommy's need for new summer shoes. That small lick of shiny apple skin will now cost you $1.24. Don't worry baby, Mommy will take it out of your allowance, 'cause she's nice like that. I'll even wave the processing fee. That's love right there."

But I don't 'cause she's three and really, who wants that apple after she licked it anyway?

Happy Bread Day

2010-04-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

Around here, Wednesday is also known as Bread Day.

My sister, who some of you know is a baker, recently started(? birthed? created?) a sourdough yeast starter from, um... some grapes? And other things? It's slightly pink, or was, and smells kind of boozy, and she's named it Boy George.

Anyway, now that it's grown to massive proportions (at least for something that started out as some grapes and... flour and... stuff), every Wednesday is baking day for everyone who orders bread. She brings these fantastically fresh, AMAZING-smelling, still-warm loaves to choir practice, so even though we've just come from dinner, we're all starving by the time we get out.

And then I make sandwiches and toast and all kinds of yummy things. I think next week I'm going to get hoagie rolls instead of a loaf, just to mix things up a little. My other sister got those this week, and they looked really good. And I tend to have some left over at the end of the week, since the loaves are pretty big - I need to find a good bread pudding recipe. Time for some experimenting!

General Obsession with General Hospital

2010-04-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

Oh, General Hospital, how I love thee. ABC knows my weakness and exploits it daily. Laundry to do? Nah, let's watch GH. Dishes need to be done? Nah, let's watch GH. Blog to write? Kids to pick up? Dinner to make? Nah, Let's watch GH.

I've been watching this show since I was a tiny tot. I remember watching it when I was home from school sick. I remember the first time Jonathon Jackson was on the show as Lucky. I remember when Carly first came to Port Charles, when Micheal was born, when Lily died, when Robin got HIV. I miss Georgie. I want Dillon to come home. I want Laura to stay. I want Scott to disappear for good. I want Brenda back and to stay away from Jax.

Can you tell I'm obsessed with this show? I love that I don't have to arrange my schedule to watch it anymore. Between SoapNet and Hulu.com I can watch it anytime I want. All I need is our new DVR to be delivered to our new address. Then my life will be perfect.

Dante, you'd better be sweet to Lulu or her brothers are gonna beat you up.

Cleanup

2010-04-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

I really wish I had a "before" shot of this weekend's project. You'll just have to picture it in your head.

So on Friday, this room: a) was stacked from front to back with assorted boxes still packed from when we moved in November, bins of craft stuff, and random Christmas decorations; b) had a weird filmy residue on the floor because the dogs kept going in and making messes, which I kept cleaning up with the Swiffer floor cleaner, which just left a soapy scum (better than dog mess, but not much); and c) was unusable as an office/craft room not only because of those things, but because my desk was completely covered in stuff.

This is the result of a Saturday of finding space for boxes/bins in storage and closets, scrubbing the floors Cinderella-style with a vinegar & water solution, and heavy-duty organizing of the crap on my desk.

Only problem once I got all that done was keeping the dogs out - I don't want them messing up my hard-earned clean floor. The doorway's way too wide for a baby gate, so this propped-up table is my temporary solution. It works for now, and we even have our own little rolling-drawers doorway for the humans.

(Oh, and we do have a place for that one remaining box - it's just still there to hold up the table.)

Watch out wilderness here I come....

2010-04-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so in about 30 minutes I leave for my first "wilderness" adventure and by that I mean camping. I am not exactly what you call an earthy girl. I like fancy hotels, pools, and air conditioning. So this is going to be interesting. I have to admit I have been pretty grumpy this week running around town shopping for the best deals on camping gear, getting my car ready, and making what seems like endless trips to hell (aka Walmart).

I was at maximum capacity grumpy today when my friend Leah came over to help me pack the car and she totally called me on it. I admitted I was frustrated and grumpy and that I needed an attitude adjustment. After that I managed to put on my happy face and we got the car loaded. It's nice to have a friend that will call you out when you are being a party pooper.

So with my new sunny outlook I am heading into the wilderness. I have enough stuff in my car to furnish a small apartment. Since my friends drive a Jeep they don't have a lot of cargo room so we are hauling all the stuff for 5 people. My little SUV looks like it belongs to the Clampetts!

I am sure I will have details to share on Monday but right now I am going to make like a tree and leave!

(who doesn't appreciate a good nature pun?)

Effective Marketing

2010-04-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

WHY am I SO fascinated with this commercial? I'm not convinced, though, that it's 100% effective as far as marketing goes, because actually... I don't think it markets pants all that well. In fact, I think it makes marching around pantsless look pretty appealing.

It's entirely possible that I drive my husband nuts marching around the house singing this song.

I wear no pants... I weeeeaaaar no pants... I wear, I wear no pants...

This falls under the category of "SERIOUSLY?!?"

2010-04-19T18:41:00.000-07:00

I am far too tired this evening to think coherently. Sometime around 5pm tired hit me like a ton of bricks. I barely made it through dinner with my eyes open. I got plenty of sleep this weekend and went to bed earlier than normal last night so I don't know whats up. All that being said if this post is all rambly and weird I apologize in advance.

Anyway, now that the whining is over I would like to discuss skanks. Yep, take another look I said skanks. There is big news that Michelle "Bombshell" McGee and Jamie Jungers, the mistresses of Jesse James and Tiger Woods, are going to get their own reality TV shows. I find this disturbing for multiple reasons.

Reason 1: Uh, Duh. They are skanks that had affairs with married men. They should not be glorified on TV. We already have plenty of skanks available to watch (Yes, Kardishian sisters I am talking about you).

Reason 2: Michelle McGee has white power tattoos on her body. We are going to give this women a nationally televised anything? Why are people being so nonchalant about this? It's a big freakin' deal! C'mon are we so obsessed with celebrity gossip that we can overlook Nazi fetishes and white power tattoos?

Reason 3: This one disturbs me the most personally. I found out about this little nugget of gossip because The Today Show with Hoda and Kathy Lee was on in the background while I was folding laundry (don't judge me laundry is boring and even that crap is better than laundry and silence). The Hoda and Kathy Lee hour of the Today Show is generally random news mixed with celebrity gossip and commentary it's innocent (and hackneyed) enough. When they began talking about the skanky celebrity mistress reality show something horrible happened. I AGREED with Kathy Lee. Oh, the shame! I have to go shower...again.

Sunday Driver

2010-04-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

...or not. My car, Barnaby (you may have met him over on my blog), needs new tires. One of them's down to the steel band.

But of course, it can never be as simple as just getting new tires. I took him in for an oil change yesterday, and the guy calls me, "You know you need new tires." "Yes, I do." "Ok, I'll write you up a quote." "Thanks."

I pick up the quote, and he's written up a quote for... 4 new tires (required), alignment (apparently required, although I think we'll see once I get the new tires on), new suspension (apparently required, even though I just had it replaced a year ago), and a new... fuel filter? I think? (not required, just "preventative" - I guess to "prevent" me having too much money in my bank account).

Poor Barnaby. You all know how fond I am of him, but he's reaching the age where he's about to become a big ol' money pit. We're thinking it's probably time to put on some cheap-enough-to-get-me-by-for-a-while tires and start making some plans for the Mom Mobile.

Jesus' Winky Controversy

2010-04-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

I am just going to dive right in here because I find this whole story Hilarious (yes, with a capital H). A Catholic church in Oklahoma City has a display of religious art. Seems like a good thing right? It includes a copy of a crucifix hanging in the Vatican. The crucifix in question has one problem. Some people feel that Jesus' man parts are a little too freely displayed and want the crucifix taken down. Other people feel that this is simply Jesus depicted with abs. You be the judge:

Okay, so here is the part where I tell you what I think. I think it's just badly drawn and/or sculpted abs. If this is Jesus' winky then somebody needs to go back to anatomy class. Seems to me the biggest sin here is bad art. I am not going to lie if I saw this in a religious art display I would stifle (or attempt to stifle) a laugh, stare for a minute, and then move on. That's what everyone stirring up this silly controversy needs to do...move on.

Glee-full

2010-04-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

It's Here! I'm so excited!!! I can't think about anything else so I've decided that we are going to obsess about it ALL DAY LONG.

Son of a...

2010-04-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

My mind has been on this Russian adoption situation this weekend. My heart just breaks for that little boy - can you even imagine, whatever acting out he was doing out of fear that he was going to be rejected and sent back to Russia, then having his worst fears confirmed?

Part of me wants to hear what this woman has to say - I want to know, really, how on earth she could justify abandoning her child like that; a child she worked so hard to be able to adopt, a child she promised to raise and be a mother to. I want to hear, from her own mouth, what she would do if it were her other, biological child who had done the things she said her adopted child had done.

Another part of me doesn't. I don't want this woman to get caught up in the American Publicity machine and become another Richard Heene attention-monster, weeping on Larry King Live about her angst and heartache. She doesn't deserve any more public attention than the mothers that I personally know who have dealt with very similar parenting situations and have managed to stick them out longer than six months - who have, in fact, stuck them out for the long haul, because they never once considered it an option to send their child "back," whether there was a "back" to send them to or not.

The mothers who stick it out, the mothers who say, "This is my child, whom I love, come hell or high water, and this child is my responsibility;" those mothers deserve the publicity. Those mothers deserve the attention and press.

Cleaning with Grandma T!

2010-04-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

I spent the last few days cleaning my house. Whenever I clean I think of my Grandma Tompson because she was one of the cleanest (and coolest) people I have ever known. Her house was immaculate and organized at all times. My friends consider me a neat freak but I was sub par compared to my Grandma. She passed away in 2008 and I miss her very much.

I was rifling through some papers today and found a copy of some of my Grandma's homemade cleaning formulas she had written out. My Aunt Jill copied them for me and I am so grateful. I thought I would share some homemade cleaning products from the cleanest person I have ever met.

Stain Remover:

1/2 cup rubbing alcohol

1/2 cup water

1 teaspoon of dish soap

Carpet Cleaner:

3 Tablespoons of dish soap

1/2 teaspoon of ammonia

1 teaspoon white vinegar

3/4 cup of water

Room Deodorizer:

1 cup of white vinegar

1/2 teaspoon of peppermint extract

Cleaning Scrub (great for cleaning dingy appliances):

3/4 cup water

2 tablespoons of baking soda

2 tablespoons of bleach

Stainless steel cleaner:

Equal parts rubbing alcohol and baby oil. Shake well before use.

You may have noticed that there is vinegar in several of these recipes. My Grandma Tompson used vinegar for everything. After she passed away we found a little spray bottle of vinegar in almost every room in the house. My uncle Scott placed a little bottle in her memorial urn so she could stay clean in heaven.

To iPad or Not To iPad

2010-04-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

Here's the deal:

I've been pondering an e-reader for a while, and reading all kinds of reviews and doing all kinds of research. And it seems like the verdict basically comes down to this: The Kindle and the Sony readers are baaasically equivalent, depending on which features are most important to you (how's that for a nutshell?). Sony: Metal casing in multiple colors, bigger screen (depending on the model), no wireless, harder to get files onto it, harder to organize files; Kindle: Wireless, better store, easier navigation, plastic casing, smaller screen.

And then comes the iPad, which I start hearing is, like, the ultimate e-reader ever. But, you know, expensive. And I think, could it possibly be worth that much more?

Well, last night we went to Best Buy just to poke around because we were out running errands, and they happened to have a Sony reader display set up right inside the door. Yay! I could try them out! Well, the one I really wanted to try out was broken-ish. Strike one. It was on, and had a screensaver that said "Touch screen to get to Home screen", but no amount of touching or button-pushing would pull up a Home screen or any other screen. Oh well, I tried the other reader just to see what it was like.

It was kind of frustrating. Not bad, once I figured it out, but there were a few bugs that I found right off the bat. Some issues with changing the font (I'd make it smaller - which took three button pushes - then turn the page and it'd go back to the bigger size and I'd have to make it smaller again), and the file organization wasn't very intuitive.

After I got tired of playing, we wandered back to the Apple display, where they had some iPads set up. And, note to Best Buy - setting up all of your display iPads with ONLY crappy-looking iPhone apps? Not the best use of your display. Seriously. Fortunately, some over-eager geek next to me heard me whining that they hadn't even installed the free (free!) iBooks app and did some magic with a made-up iTunes account to install it for me so I could try it out (thanks, over-eager geek - Best Buy Customer Service should hire you). And OMG. It's like... magic. It's like reading a real book, on a slim little screen that fits so nicely in your hands, with gorgeous full-color pictures... Winnie the Pooh comes pre-installed in it, and all of those classic illustrations just looked GORGEOUS.

The organization system is SO simple and makes SO much sense - it's just like using Delicious Library, which I've been using at home for years, and when you want to visit the store, the bookshelf swings around like something out of an old mystery movie to take you to an extremely easy-to-use storefront. It took me about half a second to download a free 100-page demo of a Stephen King book to flip through.

Oh, and when I couldn't find another book I've been wanting to read? I flipped back to the App Store and downloaded the free Kindle app under my eager geek-friend's iTunes account (lovestinkerbell99@hotmail.com, I'm not judging). It was just as easy to use and opened up access to tens of thousands more books. I'm pretty sure there's a Barnes & Noble app, too, or there should be one soon.

So, back to the question - is it worth spending that much more money for the iPad? The problem now is, would it be worth spending the money on any of the other e-readers? I just don't think I could justify it. I think I'll save my pennies. Or wait for my birthday...

The Dresden Files

2010-04-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

Not long ago Bonnie told me to check at a Sci Fi series she thought I'd like on hulu. Seeing as Bonnie has never lead me in the wrong direction before I decided I absolutely had to check it out.

And once again Bonnie found a winner. The Dresden Files was a quirky, funny, show about magical things being investigated by a wizard private eye. What's not to love? Except it's finis. Like every other television show I fall in love with. I'm beginning to think I'm a curse. Maybe I should throw salt over my shoulder before I turn the television on?

Earlier today I was stalking my kindle account on amazon mentally bitching to myself that all the books I want to read are either read already, not available on kindle, or not released yet. (I'm waiting Charlaine Harris!)

And then I noticed something. The Dresden Files started as a book. Yay! They just released the 12th one today. Do I have great timing or what?

I have a lot to tell you guys but I'm said to say my Kindle is just more important than you.

See you next month. ;)

My new hobby

2010-04-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

So, as most of you who know who read the infamous imaginary duck post I have been working on a surprise for Emily's little girls (and I am a little crazy). Thanks to Anna at Knock Off Wood I built each girl their own picnic/craft table.

Emily sent me a link to Knock Off Wood a few months ago and I was in love! Ana has hacked Pottery Barn and all the other overpriced furniture retailers. The plans are easy to follow (if this girly girl can do it anyone can) and totally FREE.

I started with an end table which turned out fine but I am not in love with the stain. It turned out darker than I wanted. When we built the end table making the cuts was a pain because all we had was a circular saw. We did it but it took awhile because I am a perfectionist and making perfect straight cuts with a circular saw requires a lot of precision. I decided I needed a miter saw. A few days later when I arrived home from an evening out with the girls my husband surprised me with this bad boy!

Never in my life did I think I would own a compound sliding miter saw much less would I consider it a romantic gift. Life's funny that way.

Once I got my new toy I had to test it out so that is when I built the picnic tables for Caroline and Katie. It only took a Sunday afternoon to build them but it took 3 days to paint them. Did I mention I am a perfectionist?

So now I am going to build another end table, a coffee table, a bed, an entry bench, a storage system, and whatever else Ana posts that I fall in love with.

Girls with power tools is my kind of girl power! In case you wondering the Spice Girls is not my kind of girl power. Now, more gratuitous shots of the cool stuff I have built (so far) from Knock Off Wood. Thanks Ana!

Mrs. Linus

2010-04-04T16:17:00.000-07:00

I was goofing around with Sadie earlier because she was sitting on the other end of the couch ignoring me, so I was calling her by all different names - Sadie-Boo, Sadie Jones, a bunch of others... and then I called her Jenny's last name, and she jumped up and came over, so we decided that she must have secretly eloped with one of Jenny's dogs.

We'll have to congratulate Cisco or Linus next time we see them.

A letter to Mr. Jobs

2010-04-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Steve Jobs,

You are one sneaky little bastard. I have to admit I fell for it. The cool commercials with the indie music. The big fancy staged announcements about innovative new Mac products. I bought it all hook, line, and sinker.

I got an Iphone and it was my gateway drug to the Mac world. I loved it. I still do. Even though there are days when it drops calls constantly I am willing to forgive you for its email and ipod capabilities, and mobile access to facebook, words with friends, and bejeweled.

I figured if I loved this tiny little Mac device I would love an iMac equally as much. It's like an iphone on steroids. You had easy to use programs like itunes, iphoto, and imovie. Plus it was sleek and shiny like the sports car of computers. When I found out it would also run windows using VMWare I was sold. It seemed like a no brainer!

Well, here is the problem MR. JOBS I am typing this on my husbands homemade PC that is 6 years old because my shiny sports car computer doesn't work! My fancy iMac is slow like a Model T-and now it has decided not to work AT ALL.

I put all this time and energy into learning your OS and how to use your annoying mouse and THIS is what I get in return?

Signed,

Ticked off in Texas!

PS-you were supposed to get a post complete with photos about the picnic tables I built for Emily's little girls. Instead you get this because I can't open any photos and Steve Jobs is a big fat marketing genius who sells crappy computers.

The only thing I need today is a smile.

2010-04-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

This video always makes me laugh. Even on a day that beats you into an oblivion. Beaten, tired and homeless, that's me. Needless to say I went back to Target today.

Do you think there is therapy for that?

Things I Will Never Do Again:

2010-03-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

1. Date (for obvious reasons - I've reached the end goal and I'm quite happy with it).

2. Drive across the country in Barnaby - he's just too old.

3. Live in a one-bedroom, one-bath apartment.

Let's just discuss this last one, shall we? Now, I know Emily's cornered the market on sucky living situations right now, but I'm just gonna whine for a minute about forced intimacy.

First of all, let's discuss that one bedroom. Now, it's not so much the bedroom that's the issue, it's the construction of the bedroom. See, in this particular apartment, the builder had the genius idea to make most of the floorplan open, and then to leave big gaps in the tops of the bedroom walls to promote air circulation. It would be "green"! It would cut heating and a/c bills! What's not to love?

I'll tell you what's not to love: sneezing in one room and the person in the farthest part of the apartment saying "bless you."

Well, ok, that's not exactly unloveable. But maybe you get the idea. It's that you can hear. Every. Single. Sound. Any. Person. Or. Animal. Makes. At. Any. Time. Of. The. Night. Or. Day.

This means: we have to be diligent about keeping the fish tank topped up, or the splashing water in the other room will keep us awake. This means: if one of us wants to stay up later than the other watching TV, we have to keep it on the lowest volume possible and the other has to wear earplugs. This means: if one of us wants to sleep in on the weekend, the other has to get dressed quietly and go somewhere else until they wake up.

And then we come to the other issue - bathrooms. Just imagine you really, really, really, really have to pee.

But someone else is already using the bathroom.

And there isn't another one. At all. At ALL. You're on the fifth floor, in the farthest end of a large sort of S-shaped building, and even the resident lounge bathrooms are at the farthest end of the S, so really your only option is to wait it out.

But you REALLY have to go.

Pretty much, it just sucks. Which is why I will never live in an open-plan, open-walled, one-bathroom apartment again.

Targeted

2010-03-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Miss Me? It's still crazy around here, and I'm still homeless.

OK, now that your updated lets talk about weaknesses. I have several but we're going to focus on just one today. It's a special place. I love it. My kids love it. My mom loves it. If you know what's good for you, you'll love it too.

Oh, Target, you are a money sucking whore. I cherish you.

I'm telling you the longer it takes us to sort out all this lending business and move into the new house, the more money Target is going to make. In fact I'm beginning to think that this hassle is Target's sneaky master plan to suck me into a big, huge vortex of debt.

Mmm, Sigh. It's going to be such a pretty little vortex when I'm done with it.

Just in the last week alone I have bought:
3 Bedding sets
6 Curtains
4 Towels
1 Shower Curtain
2 Bath Mats
2 Trash Cans
3 Curtain Rods
11 Bins (I'm still looking for one more that matches)
1 Lamp
2 Pillows
3 Bathroom Accessories (soap dish, cup, toothbrush holder)
2 Shirts
and
2 Headbands

Oh, Target, It's a sad sweet sickness. I'll see you tomorrow.

Gone Quackers!

2010-03-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

This post is coming to you a late (hey, its still Monday) because I have been quite busy today. I was in the yard all day working on a surprise for Emily's little girls (Emily knows I am up to something but not what exactly I am doing). During my adventures today I came face to face with my own insanity.

In order to explain I need to provide some back story. We live in a quaint little community with several ponds throughout the neighborhoods. All the ponds are inhabited with catfish, trout, crayfish, snakes, and of course DUCKS.

So, while in the yard working on my surprise I kept hearing a random duck quack. I live near-ish a large pond and I assumed a duck had wandered in the yard. The quacking would happen at random intervals for short periods. As you learned in my previous post we have two crazy dogs and I was afraid of what would happen if they found the duck before I did. All day I would randomly hear quacking. I would search the front, back, and side yards. Nothing, zilch, zero. Over the course the day I went duck hunting 6 times.

Finally, I was heading in for a break around 5pm. I grabbed my cell phone and headed into the house. I looked down and had 6 missed calls which was curious because the phone hadn't rung at all. While I was pondering the curious case of the missed calls the phone rang- or should I say QUACKED!

Yep, that's right. All day I was running around like a crazy woman looking for an imaginary duck. Somehow, the ringer on my phone had been changed to a quacking sound. No one has claimed responsibility but I suspect Al Qaeda. A new tactic to drive us mad one by one.

Party Playing

2010-03-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

I'm working from a coworker's house today (Friday - I'm posting ahead because I'm out of town again this weekend), and I think we've spent as much time party-planning as we've spent working. She has the motherlode of Martha Stewart Weddings magazines, and we've been going back and forth between actual work and showing each other fun ideas for a shower we're throwing in a few months.

My current favorite party-planning site is Hostess {with the mostess} - most of the parties on the blog are SERIOUSLY over-the-top, but so much fun to look at and get ideas from. They've got party ideas for pretty much any type of party you could ever want to throw, and for a lot of them there are ways you could take inspiration and color schemes and tone them down from the site... maybe not spend several thousand dollars per party like the original hosts probably do. They also have great DIY ideas like this adorable cake stand, which I'm totally stealing.

Don't you love, though, what a completely different world Martha Stewart and her writers live in? I'm reading through the Weddings magazine and, in a section on shower invitations (shower invitations - not even wedding invitations, but shower invitations), they say, "The options right now are truly endless - from letterpress to couture - and suit all budgets." Really? The options start at letterpress ($$$$) and range all the way to couture ($$$$$), and that suits ALL budgets? Can I be invited to your world, pretty please? Can I even just be invited to your world as a commissioned stationery salesperson? Because I'd be raking it in.

Puppy Love

2010-03-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

It's well known fact I love animals, especially dogs. I have two crazy labradoodles that we often refer to as piggydoodles and/or kangadoodles due to their ability to scarf large quantities of food, snorting/snoring, and crazy jumping ability.

Last night we were watching The Marriage Ref (which is quite funny, mostly for the crazy people they put on the show) and there was couple with an adorable dog named Zeus. Apparently, the husband loved Zeus but Zeus terrorized everyone else in the family especially the wife. The "Ref" and the celebrity panel all sided with the wife that the husband needed to get rid of the dog.

Here is where I get all hot and bothered. The couple adopted this dog after they were married. It's not like the wife had no say in the matter. Dogs are not for everyone but if you decide to adopt one it's a commitment. You commit to taking care of this living creature for the span of it's life which for dogs can be anywhere from 10-20 years. Get some training for yourself and the dog, read a book, watch The Dog Whisperer, do anything but give in and take the dog to a shelter because most likely it's a death sentence.

So Zuess, I side with you! It's not your fault that you were adopted by a woman who didn't consider the full weight of her decision and is unwilling to do the work it takes to own a dog. Husband hold your ground!

Now that I have that off my chest (I really could go on for paragraphs and paragraphs) it's time for some gratuitous puppy pics!

The Dynamic Duo

Linus the lovable

Cisco: The "not so" gentle giant

One for the road. Seriously, how could you not love those faces? Never mind. Don't tell me. I won't like you anymore.

Working (away) from home

2010-03-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

I had a doctor's appointment near my parents' house this morning, so I'm working from there today, and it's so weird - I grew up here, but I'm so used to having my own stuff around. The last month or so at work has been insanely crazy-busy, and I could have worked from anywhere and not even noticed because I wouldn't even have had a chance to look up from my computer all day, but today? So freaking slow.

So... I'm bored. I left the dogs at home, since I had to go straight to the doctor's office this morning, and I didn't think to bring my sewing (oops). I went to Half-Price Books at lunch to get a book to read, but they didn't have either of the ones I was looking for, so I picked up a Stephen King that I'm not all that excited about.

So I'm spending my afternoon hunting down Doctor Who trailers... is anyone else as excited about April 17 as I am?

2010-03-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Things are stressed, busy and utterly nuts here. I'm currently homeless, living with my parents, praying that the lending goes through this time and TIRED. Sean had to cancel a trip he has been looking forward to for months and the girls think it's great FUN to live at Nana's house, while I try desperately to prevent them from destroying it. It is not going well.

So, I have a few blogs for y'all to check out instead of my pathetic little post.

http://www.mamapop.com/ A pop culture site written by snarky parents with a love for Sparklecorns.

http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/ Please just look at the url and try not to LOVE it.

http://heatherannmelzer.typepad.com/ An awesomely creative mom. Check out her son's spider man room. Ugh, too cute.

http://thebloggess.com/ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her.

http://www.stitchcraftcreations.com/ I'm dying to find time to make some of this cuteness.

http://knockoffwood.blogspot.com/ If your handy and broke have I got the website for you.

These are just a few of my favorites. I hope you like them as much as I do.

Jenny: New and Improved Domesticated Version

2010-03-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we are on week two of not having a full time job. I am now a domestic goddess with a part time cosmetics freelancing job only working about 19 hours per week. I am not sure week one really counted as a break because the Tovson's were moving and I had family in town. So things are settling down a bit and now I am going to get a real feel for what it's like to be CEO of the McGee house.

What is funny is that every time I tell people that I am going to stay at home and work part time they always say "Oh, that's not you. You will get bored quickly." I think it's funny that people assume I can't enjoy being domestic. It's not like being a working woman made me a ferrel animal and now I have to adjust to the captivity of of domestic life. I have cooked, cleaned, and run the house while working full time. I did have the help of a cleaning lady twice a month but that will go away. Other wise I am doing all the same things I always did but with more time to relax and enjoy my family and friends in between.I think the truth is that I am a perfectionist and I want to be good at whatever I do. For years I have been channeling that into a career. Now I want switch gears and channel it into being a great wife, running my house hold the way I really want to, and hopefully someday being a Mother.

Mind you it's only been a week but so far I don't see being bored in the near future. Today alone I managed to complete meal planning, straighten out a debacle with the insurance company, go the grocery store, pull everything out of the fridge and wash all the bins and shelves (a project I have been trying to get to for weeks), complete a weeks worth of meal prep, make dinner, mop the kitchen floor, watch a movie, and write this blog post. I had plenty of things to do and not once did I long for tedious conference calls or emails labeled: EXTREMELY URGENT REPLY IMMEDIATELY!I have a list a mile long of projects I want to complete and plenty of things I want to learn how to do. However, in case I do get bored I have several back up plans including going back to school and volunteer work. So nobody worry about me because I am going to be plenty busy.

On A Mission

2010-03-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

I'm out and about today, on a mission to explore my own stomping grounds for my mom's new blog venture, Dallas Best.

This is my kind of exploring! We're in my old neighborhood, taking photos and notes for mini-reviews of all of our favorite restaurants, shops, cafés, you name it. The only problem is that we like the places too much. We keep sitting down for a cup of coffee in our favorite coffee shop and ending up talking for an hour, or going into a cool store to take pictures and getting sidetracked shopping. At this rate, it'll take years to get reviews up.

It's been a good, productive, fun day, though, and I think we've got some good upcoming content for Dallas Best. If y'all have any suggestions of your favorites, leave them here or hop on over there and drop mom a note!

You Tube Baby Sitter

2010-03-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

So today I am Exhausted with a capital E because poor Emily's movers never showed up. My husband I spent the evening with the Tovson's and their UHaul. So today I am going to plop in you in front of the television and let it entertain you for a few minutes. It's going to be a YouTube link fest. I know it's cheating but today I don't care.

First, I would like to share a little culture with everyone. I heard about this exhibit at the Barbican Center in London on NPR. A french artist (whose name is too long and complicated for my tired brain to spell today) has placed guitars in the same room with finches. They fly around and create music. Although it mostly sounds like noise I think the concept is cool and makes you think about what defines music and creativity.

Now, don't you feel all fancy pants and cultured after watching that? If, like me, that feeling leaves you feeling a little uncomfortable then the video below should cure that problem. It's funny cause it's true-for some people,not me. Hi Mom!

YouTube link fest is now over. I hope you have enjoyed my lazy post. Consider this your IOU for one real post.

A Foodie Weekend

2010-03-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

Wow, so I ate this weekend.

I ate a LOT of good food.

We took a long weekend trip to Atlanta, where we spent a day at the Georgia Aquarium and ate at some excellent restaurants.

When we got in on Saturday evening, we went to Woodfire Grill, where the chef was a finalist last season on Top Chef. We decided to get adventurous and had the tasting menu, which seemed to be loosely based on the chef's competition dishes from the show and was AMAZING. My favorite course was the sliced raw diver scallop with peekytoe crab salad (my husband says I liked it just because of the name), closely tied with the main course of sous-vide tandoori lamb loin. Everything was just fantastic, though. We came home with a signed menu so it'll be that much easier to remember it all.

We also went to another Top Chef finalist's restaurant, Flip Burger. It was definitely different - fancy burger bar rather than fancy sit-down restaurant, but I definitely enjoyed my nutella shake with toasted marshmallows on top. They also had the best fried pickles I've ever had... and I've had a lot of fried pickles.

It really wasn't only about the food - the aquarium was really exciting too. It's the biggest in the world, and we took the behind-the-scenes tour, where we got to see the surgery and lab areas and tops of the enormous whale shark and beluga whale tanks.

Oh, and the hotel? Ridiculously luxurious. This is (a terrible cell phone picture of) the tub, which I managed to not take advantage of. But if I had? It would have been awesome.

I am the Walrus.

2010-03-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

I cannot get this song out of my head. It's stuck there like a mental peanut butter trying to drive me stark nutters.

And when this nonsensical loony song succeeds and it will. Only then will I understand the fucker. It's a conspiracy for crazy-town.

So when you see me a corner muttering to myself " I am the eggman, oh, they are the eggmen. Oh, I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob"

You'd better run. Because it's out to get you, man.

Hoarderpalooza!

2010-03-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated by compulsive hoarders. I don't know why. I think its because I lover order, cleanliness, and generally don't have sentimental attachments to possessions.

I consider myself an understanding and intelligent person but I do not relate to this disease in any way. I sit weekly with my mouth gaping open completely befuddled watching Hoarders on A&E. Now, TLC has introduced a new show called Hoarding: Buried Alive. I am not sure I can take it!

The great thing about Hoarders on A&E is when the junk hauling trucks, a team of hired hands, the professional certified organizer (I should TOTALLY be one of those), and the therapist help the hoarder clean out their house and work through their issue all in the course of a weekend. Now, I realize that this seems unrealistic and someone with such a severe problem probably can't solve it all in one weekend of intense cleaning.

So, last night I watched Hoarding: Buried Alive on TLC for the first time. They focused more on the mess and less of the clean up. They showed the incremental progress each hoarder made over the course of 6 months. I was disappointed. This certainly seems like a more realistic approach to solving the hoarders problem. However, as a viewer I don't get those dramatic and satisfying before/after shots that make me breath a sigh of relief.

On a completely different note what's up with TLC totally ripping of A&E? During Hoarding: Buried Alive they were advertising their new show Addicted which appears to be a carbon copy of A&E's Intervention. Now, I know that losing John and Kate Plus 8 must have been quite a hit to TLC's ratings but that's no excuse for being unoriginal. Nobody likes a copy cat TLC!

So to recap:

Hoarders on A&E: Entertaining and satisfying for the viewer but probably not as effective at treating the disease.

Hoarders: Buried Alive on TLC: Unsatisfying for the viewer but seems like a more realistic approach to the disease.

Note to TLC: Lock your programming executives and creative team into a room with lots of coffee and Red Bull. Don't let them out until they think of something new and innovative to put on TV.

I wonder if there is treatment for people who compulsively watch (and blog) about compulsive hoarders. Sign me up for that show!

Weekend Fry

2010-03-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I get to eat at the restaurants of not one, but TWO Top Chef finalists. That's all I'll say about it for now - I'll tell all about it on Wednesday, after I've actually had my exciting weekend.

In now-news, though, my brain is FRIED. I'm so ready for the weekend. I mean, I've been sitting here looking at the blank screen for... a really long time. Just trying to think of something to write. And my brain is empty. I've done nothing but work and watch TV all week, and I feel like I've already (sort of) written about TV once this week.

I've also spent a ridiculous amount of time on the phone with my doctor's office and the pharmacy in the last two days, trying to get a refill for the same prescription I've been taking for three years. The only thing that needed to happen was for the "OK" message to get from the doctor to the pharmacy. They didn't need ANY new information - no new dose, no new amounts, just the EXACT same thing I've been taking FOREVER. But somehow, I've now made 5 calls to the doctor, 2 visits to the pharmacy, and 3 calls to 3 different pharmacies (just in case it got rerouted to some other location), and... nothing. Tomorrow I'll be completely out of the medicine that keeps me from having migraines, and I still haven't managed to figure out where the miscommunication is.

Can you even imagine how much less thrilled I'll be with this whole situation when I'm sitting on the phone with the pharmacy WITH A MIGRAINE? I'm sure it'll be charming.

Will Blog for Food

2010-03-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

Those who know and love me would describe me as a planner and a control freak. So making risky snap decisions is not something I generally have a reputation for.

However, a in January I quit my job-with no back up plan! I was very unhappy and working crazy hours. I found myself being grumpy, tired, and negative. That's not who I wanted to be and I decided a paycheck wasn't worth turning into a person I didn't like. This was my first big, risky decision in quite a long time and I was scared and excited at the same time.

I quit my job on a Friday. The following Monday my husband walked into work and was told his job was moving to Omaha. If we didn't want to move he would only have a job through March 31st. We were devastated. I felt like I was being punished for making a selfish decision. I have never felt so guilty in my entire life. In this horrible economy I should have just been grateful I had a job, pulled myself up by my bootstraps, stopped being a whiny baby, and stayed at a job I hated. I immediately wrote a retraction of my resignation. I didn't burn any bridges but I was very candid in my resignation about why I was leaving and to turn around and write a retraction was humbling to say the least! They decided not to accept my retraction but to keep me on until they found my replacement.

Since all this happened my husband has been on many interviews and has had a lot of people in his corner. His last day at his job is coming up and he will get some severance that will help us for awhile. I have had some time to come to grips with things. Ultimately, my company decided to eliminate 13 positions and mine was one of them. This helped alleviate some of the guilt

My last day at my job is TODAY. You would think that I would be scared about what is next as my husband and I both are about to be jobless. However, I have this weird since of calm (calm is rarely and adjective used to describe me). Somewhere, deep down inside I know everything is going to be okay. I have been happier the last few weeks than I have been in a long time.

I suppose the practical side of me could say "see what happens when you take a risk? It bites you in the ass!" However, I am choosing (yes, choosing) to look at this in a different way. I have a bad habit of defining myself by what I do for a living and putting everything I have into my work. I want to give the best of me to my friends, family, and the rest of the world and not to my job. When it's all said and done I don't want "One hell of a marketing manager" on my tombstone. I want loving wife, daughter, and friend to be my legacy.

(Cue the dramatic music as I post this, surrender my work laptop, and walk off into the sunset.)

To be continued.....

311

2010-03-11T09:13:00.000-08:00

Responsibility.

It's the bane of my existence these days.

March 11th, is usually a special day for my husband and I. Almost every even year since we started dating we've been in New Orleans celebrating this auspicious musical holiday. The only notable exceptions were 2004, when we were about to be married and poorer than dirt and couldn't afford to go, and 2006, when 311 moved the show to Nashville due to Hurricane Katrina damage. This year due to a medical convention that took hostage to most of the hotel rooms 311 moved the show to Las Vegas.

If I was a selfish person, I would be drinking Rum and Coke, playing the slots, and trying to convince my husband I need two T-shirts this year.

Instead I'm packing up my house, taking care of the kids while he works 2 jobs and attends his indoor soccer game tonight.

That's right not only can we not attend the concert in Las Vegas, mind you, we can't even attend the festivities with our local 311 obsessed friends.

Sober and Alone.

I'll be ringing in 311 day by myself.

That's almost as sad as the fact that I just realized my two favorite songs, Beyond the Gray Sky, and Golden Sunlight are about death. It's not that I didn't know the lyrics. It's more that I wasn't paying attention. I am the quintessential Ass Hat today.

Bonnie's Fam

2010-03-10T06:28:00.000-08:00

So, since this is the week of introducing ourselves, let me introduce you to my family.

Are y'all watching Parenthood on Tuesday nights? Ok, take out all the weed and you've basically got the gist of my family. A big, loving crew, all up in each other's business (in the best way), running into each other at random houses all the time, occasionally chasing possums (well, armadillos, and that was a long time ago, but still), something constantly baking somewhere... maybe the make-up's not exactly one-to-one, but if you want to know what it feels like to be part of my family, watch Parenthood. Or if, like me, you're still mourning Six Feet Under and Gilmore Girls. It's pretty much the cure-all.

My immediate family? I'm married with a couple of dogs - Sadie and Miles. They're sweet little devil-dogs who generally work together to drive me nuts until I'm about ready to strangle them (most recent example? I bought Sadie a pricey new comfortable bed, which she slept on for two nights, then on the third day gutted all of the stuffing from - now she acts like I'm so mean to make her sleep on the nearly flat cover), then give me those patented puppy-dog faces that I can never hold a grudge against.

I mean, how could you stay mad at this?

My Best Bitches

2010-03-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

Now that you know us a little I suppose I should explain how this blog is going to work.

We have decided to post 6 days a week. That gives each of us two days and Sunday's off. Now I'm not saying that there won't be any Sunday posts, because as you can see I have already broken that day in, but it's an optional post. You'll see Jenny on Mondays and Fridays. I have Tuesdays and Thursdays and Bonnie drew the short straw with Wednesdays and Saturdays. Hopefully, with all three of us posting things will never get dull around here.

Now you may have caught my reference to children in my last post. It's true. I have two. Katie age 5 and Caroline age 2.5. They are a joy. They are a terror. They are my whole life. Currently I am the only SFB with kids. Now that doesn't mean that my two best girl friends don't want any children. As a matter of fact, my fellow bitches are working diligently night and day to make me an Auntie. And I couldn't be happier about that because honestly, those two are better mothers without kids than I am with two.

I'm one lucky lady to have them in my life and my girls are definitely going to benefit from their influence. I'm hoping Jenny's sense of loyalty, organization, and playful banter, as well as Bonnie's tactfulness, creativity and legendary literariness rub off nice a deep on my tiny heathens.

Hopefully it will work because those sweet girls are more like me everyday. All I have to do is look back to High School and be very, very, afraid for my future. Save my children, ladies. Come over and play soon.

Heeerrreeee's Jenny

2010-03-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

I am a good girl. I don't drink, or swear, or rat my hair (shout out to my girl Rizzo). Okay, that's not true. I do drink and swear but I still consider myself a good girl. I was taught to be respectful, compassionate, open minded, and honest. I try to live up to those values every day-and sometimes I fail spectacularly.

I am passionate about things I believe in and I have a fiery temper. I can not "Bless Your Heart." This does not satisfy my thirst to make sure you understand exactly where I stand. When I get upset I turn into a real life Julia Sugarbaker.

As a child I once called my grandfather a racist. I love him dearly but I didn't like what he had to say and I told him so.

During the holidays I reduced a Wal-Mart cashier to tears without even trying. She was having trouble ringing something up and as opposed to asking for help she just kept scanning the same item over and over again to no avail. I politely suggested she ask for help. She turned on her light and stood there. Then I politely suggested she continue scanning the rest of my items while waiting for help. She turned OFF her light. I NOT so politely suggested she turned her light back on while scanning my remaining items so she could to be productive while waiting for a manager. Apparently this idea ROCKED her world. She stood there with a puzzled look on her face her eyes darting back and forth between the light and the scanner as if it was Sophie's choice. Finally, I said "How about we get that manager right behind you to come over and help us." The concept of exiting the protected walls of her cashier fortress and having to face me the evil bitch dragon was too much for her to handle. She stood frozen. I got fed up and walked over to the manager and tapped him on the shoulder and said "My cashier clearly needs some assistance!" As the manager approached the girl burst into tears and ran off to tell her fellow Wal-Mart employee (YES, I could still see AND hear her) what an evil raving bitch dragon lady I was.

You are probably thinking that because I was at Wal-Mart I should not except decent service. I call BULL***T. If I give you my money I expect you to hire people with enough intelligence and problem solving skills to ring up my purchase without spiking my blood pressure. I suppose if I was a superhero my talent would be getting you a refund or rectifying poor service. Some of my friends (cough, Emily, cough) have asked me to call into a customer service department and pretend to be them in order to harness the power of my bitchy-ness.

Despite my temper and occasional tourettes fits I do have a soft side. I love my friends and family with my whole heart. My favorite thing to do is loud, gut wrenching, asthma inducing, pee your pants laughing. Whomever can induce this level of laughter is my friend for life. During a recent drunken board game with friends my husband proclaimed "You have a loving heart just a loud mouth" which pretty much sums it up.

Emily; The Strange

2010-03-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

Hi.
I'm not the nice one.

I'm a passive aggressive vindictive bitch.

I like fried ham and potatoes for breakfast.

I'm a good Catholic girl who leaves God in her heart and out of your face.

I have a pathological hatred towards writing thank-you notes.

I'm a conservative Democrat, please just don't tell my Parents.

I asked for new boobs for my birthday.

I let my children listen to music with curse words.

And it makes me happy.
I like being happy, and I struggle to stay there.

I'm currently involved in a cross town moving extravaganza. It's making me meaner than usual. Stress is not my friend.

I did tell the buyers of my house I would leave the extra paint cans, but that was before they made my life a living HELL by being complete jack-wads about the move out date. I actually have to close on two houses and move all in one day. It's not impossible, but with two kids it's a teeny bit stressful. I totally understand that the childless, apartment dwelling assholes need a three day weekend to move their one bedroom place to my packed three bedroom.

I'm totally keeping the paint, y'all.

I don't need it. I just have a hate on for those fuckers. I'm keeping my take-out folder too. And I'm cancelling the maid I had scheduled. All I wanted was ONE extra day to get everything together and make a smooth transition. Did I mention they have two weeks after we close to move out of their place but I can't even get ONE day?

To think I was postponing potty training my youngest to keep our/their new carpets nice and fresh. That was quite the mistake right there. One I still have time to rectify.

But my Mamma taught me better manners than that.

Introducing Bonnie

2010-03-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

It's funny that I ended up being the first one to introduce myself, because the other two tend to think of me as the "nice one" and get all surprised when I get bitchy.

It's not that I'm not a bitch, or that I'm not nice.

It's just that I'm southern, born and raised.Ever heard a southern girl say "bless her heart"? Or, worse (because, trust me, it is worse), "bless your heart"?

Sweetie, you just got ripped to shreds. And I bet that southern gal didn't so much as bat an eye.

"Bless her heart, that salesgirl doesn't know her Crane from her Carlson Craft." (I used to work in a stationery store - a mecca for southern ladies.) "Oh bless his heart, he just stepped right in that dog crap and didn't even notice." "Honey, bless your heart, that outfit is so colorful."

Of course, the trick to working at the stationery store, and the reason you never actually hear me say the dreaded phrase, is that everyone there knows it. So at some point, one learns to say it without saying it. Just that tone in your voice, the look in your eye; you know you're saying it in your head, the people who know you best know you're saying it, but the customer doesn't have a clue. "Here's your change, in exactly 23 quarters, 12 nickels, and 16 pennies, as you requested (bless your heart)." (In case you haven't figured it out, that one meant, "You complete lunatic.")

So, you know... you just go on thinking I'm the nice one. Bless your heart.

Proper Southern Welcome

2010-03-05T16:03:00.000-08:00

We would not be true southern fried bitches if we did not properly welcome you to our blog with all the southern hospitality the we can muster. So pour yourself a glass of tea and sit down with us!

However, don't let our hospitable nature fool you. Like most southerners we are passionate, colorful, eccentric, and not afraid to tell it like it is.
You may ask why southern fried bitches? Well, let's break this down.

Southern: because we are three lovely Texas ladies.

Fried: because much like us all fried things are delicious and highly sought after at fairs and carnivals. (Side note: If you are having an ugly day and feeling down about your looks head on down to any local fair or carnival. You will be the belle of the ball!)

Bitches: This one is a bit more complicated. Why would three such lovely ladies use such a derogatory term to define ourselves? Well, we here at southern fried bitches have decided to embrace the word bitch. Bitch is often defined as the following:

a female dog: Who wouldn't want to be a majestic female canine? She feeds, protects, nurtures her puppies until they are strong healthy dogs that go out into the world and sniff out drugs, find mising children, and help blind people. And heaven knows, we (well, two of us) love our dogs. Woof, Woof!
a lewd woman: What would life be with a little lewdness?
a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman: Find us a woman who has not had a moment in her life when she felt her own behavior was malicious, unpleasant, or selfish and we will find you a unicorn that poops diamonds. Recognizing that none of us are perfect is what creates strong bonds and allows us to be truthful and honest with each other. It's why we can have frank and open converstations with our best friends and still love each other. We will take that any day over the "let's take this outside" method of most men.
anything difficult or unpleasant: Overcoming difficult and unpleasant obstacles is the female speciality. Childbirth being the ulitmate example.
to complain; gripe: Everyone needs to gripe now and then! If we never gripe how would we discover all the struggles we share and devise ways to overcome them?
anything memorable, esp. something exceptionally good: Why thank you! We resemble that remark.

So now you can own the word bitch! When people call you bitch you can think of it as a compliment and know that you have many, many sisters in arms. Three of whom (of the southern fried variety) are right here whenever you need us!