Don't make me come in there!

Back to bed. Back to bed, Now!

Quiet time is nigh time.

I Will turn of your nightlight.

If I have to come in here again the ladybug gets it.

5 4 3 2 1 GOODNIGHT!

It's dark out, lets close our eyes now.

Ladies!!!! Goodnight.

The time for books is done. Go to bed.

Get your heine in bed this instant young lady!

Children are such a delight. Mine have a tendency to be perfect little angels until suddenly! they morph into demon babies with a penchant for loud screams, inappropriate giggling, and a seemingly desperate need to throw flailing limbs in my face's general direction. Their toes must have a magnetic need to clock me in the cheekbone. Mommy totally needs this bruise, y'all.

My husband doesn't beat me! I got this bruise from my toddler's uncalled for fit of rage over who touched "her" apple. MINE. Mine. mine. Ugh. Sometimes, I want to say to her, "Actually Caroline that is Mommy's apple because she paid for it. I am now invoking a tariff on all apple consumption due to Mommy's need for new summer shoes. That small lick of shiny apple skin will now cost you $1.24. Don't worry baby, Mommy will take it out of your allowance, 'cause she's nice like that. I'll even wave the processing fee. That's love right there."

But I don't 'cause she's three and really, who wants that apple after she licked it anyway?

Labels: Apple Tariffs, Bedtime, Mommyhood makes me Crazy