I am a good girl. I don't drink, or swear, or rat my hair (shout out to my girl Rizzo). Okay, that's not true. I do drink and swear but I still consider myself a good girl. I was taught to be respectful, compassionate, open minded, and honest. I try to live up to those values every day-and sometimes I fail spectacularly.

I am passionate about things I believe in and I have a fiery temper. I can not "Bless Your Heart." This does not satisfy my thirst to make sure you understand exactly where I stand. When I get upset I turn into a real life Julia Sugarbaker.

As a child I once called my grandfather a racist. I love him dearly but I didn't like what he had to say and I told him so.

During the holidays I reduced a Wal-Mart cashier to tears without even trying. She was having trouble ringing something up and as opposed to asking for help she just kept scanning the same item over and over again to no avail. I politely suggested she ask for help. She turned on her light and stood there. Then I politely suggested she continue scanning the rest of my items while waiting for help. She turned OFF her light. I NOT so politely suggested she turned her light back on while scanning my remaining items so she could to be productive while waiting for a manager. Apparently this idea ROCKED her world. She stood there with a puzzled look on her face her eyes darting back and forth between the light and the scanner as if it was Sophie's choice. Finally, I said "How about we get that manager right behind you to come over and help us." The concept of exiting the protected walls of her cashier fortress and having to face me the evil bitch dragon was too much for her to handle. She stood frozen. I got fed up and walked over to the manager and tapped him on the shoulder and said "My cashier clearly needs some assistance!" As the manager approached the girl burst into tears and ran off to tell her fellow Wal-Mart employee (YES, I could still see AND hear her) what an evil raving bitch dragon lady I was.

You are probably thinking that because I was at Wal-Mart I should not except decent service. I call BULL***T. If I give you my money I expect you to hire people with enough intelligence and problem solving skills to ring up my purchase without spiking my blood pressure. I suppose if I was a superhero my talent would be getting you a refund or rectifying poor service. Some of my friends (cough, Emily, cough) have asked me to call into a customer service department and pretend to be them in order to harness the power of my bitchy-ness.

Despite my temper and occasional tourettes fits I do have a soft side. I love my friends and family with my whole heart. My favorite thing to do is loud, gut wrenching, asthma inducing, pee your pants laughing. Whomever can induce this level of laughter is my friend for life. During a recent drunken board game with friends my husband proclaimed "You have a loving heart just a loud mouth" which pretty much sums it up.

Labels: Bless your heart, Introduction, Julia Sugarbaker